Category: WriterInMotion 2020

It’s no secret that I love Writer in Motion. I’m still very new to writing. I loved it as a kid (in like middle school) until puberty hit and I just lost all interest in most things due to crippling dysphoria. Once I transitioned, I fell back in love with both reading, and writing. But as a new writer it’s hard to tell whether anything you’re putting on paper is really worth the time and effort and heartache and everything else that comes with writing.

But the like a year and some change ago, one of my writer friends that I’d met a few months prior started this new project and I instantly fell in love. I didn’t do any writing that first time because I had a lot of other things going on in my life and didn’t have the time to dedicate to it. I was just a casual observer/cheerleader.

But there’s really something special about watching your piece of work evolve so much over a few weeks time span. I remember that first time thinking Yeah I’m definitely not as good a writer as these other people!

But when the second time came, and with it, the opportunity to give it a go, I jumped in head first and was met with so much love and cheering from other people that my confidence in myself as a writer grew tremendously.

The whole purpose of this is to show people like me that we have good writing in us, it just has to be coaxed out with some revisions and friends to help along the way. Without this group of people, without this hash tag, who knows if I’d ever have the confidence to actually show my writing to others. You’ve read my first drafts! They’re very rough!

But I’ve learned that everyone’s is. No one ever just sits down and shits out perfection on their first go. But we might put something down on paper that’s worth latching onto. Feeding, and caring for, molding to be better. And through multiple revisions, it can come out as something beautiful.

That’s really what I love about this project. The confidence to keep going over my work, and to find that little nugget of goodness that’s worth investing in. To bring that sparkle out of the whole load of garbage it came with. That’s really what writing is. All of us are storytellers, but those stories need honing before they can become great.

So I’ll keep doing this project every chance I get. It’s a great way to keep me writing, keep my circle of writer friends growing (love you Kay & Nicole!!!) and hopefully one day achieve that dream I lost so long ago, and only recently found.

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Separately, I want to talk just a tad about my own piece this time, It’s Watching. I mentioned in week 1 that I was super excited about this story, that it didn’t feel like a complete dumpster fire like Wrapped Away did. Interestingly though, that didn’t make it any easier.

I thought maybe there would be less fixing I had to do, less issues to iron out, less everything compared to last time, but the opposite was true. Because I had something I knew was a great start, and something I loved, all the flaws in it became much harder to fix.

With this piece, I went over it at least 10 times over my self editing weeks finding new words, new ways to say things, and it never felt good enough. Not because it was bad, but because I knew I wasn’t doing it justice. Then my wonderful CPs came along and really knocked it out of the park. With their help, I think I got most of my vision on paper. By the time Jeni got to my work, it was like 90% line edits from a rushed draft from a heavy work week, and barely any actual story work needed to happen.

Which was great! Except that I lost sight of that because of a second rough week at work in a row. So here’s my second pitch for the day. If you’re struggling, take a day off. Give yourself the freedom to say “I’m in a rough spot, I need a mental health day.” and then go do something you love to get you back in your zone. I wasn’t able to due to being on call, which delayed my week 4 draft, but it eventually got done and I’m happy for that.

The story still isn’t perfect. It probably never will be. But it’s really great, and I’m super have to have written it, and seen this project through to completion. Maybe one day I’ll pick it up again and change that final line to something stronger like Jeni suggested. Now just wasn’t the right time for that change.

Maybe one day that’ll become a scene in a larger story. I think there’s a lot more to Mackenzie that doesn’t get told in this story. In my head, I know she’s already trapped in the forest. She has been for some time. That’s why when her brother shows up, he’s aged. But I don’t think that comes across, and if I turned this into a larger piece of work, I could really explore that.

Maybe one day. Until then, thanks for being here for this journey, and I’ll see you next time!

So I’m actually a week late on getting this posted, but over the real week 4, I had a really rough time at work that ended with me sending an email to my boss in the middle of the night taking a few days off for mental health. Here’s your friendly reminder to people to never be afraid to take a mental health day or three. Even if the optics aren’t great (I didn’t realize it was a US holiday weekend when I took the time off). Mental health is important and everyone should always take care of themselves.

With that out of the way, I’m going to jump right into the story, and you can find my closing thoughts on my piece and the growth of it in the next post, coming later today!

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“You need to get off Twitter, see reality for a change.”

My twin brother Jack’s words echoed through my head as I watched the sun set behind the mountains in the distance. The sky was filled with deep blues and purples, but the colors struck fear, not comfort. I needed to get back to camp. I wasn’t even sure when I left…or why. I hated the outdoors. Those colors meant it was almost nighttime. I was alone in the woods, and officially lost.

Nighttime was my worst enemy.

Every minute closer to total darkness, my heartbeat raced faster. The dread told me I’d be spending the night in the woods. Alone. The forest, once too hot for comfort, was now cold enough to see my breath. The change felt instant.

That’s when I noticed how quiet the forest had gotten. No wind rustling leaves, or crickets chirping, nothing indicating that the forest was full of life. It was silent.

With no idea where to go, no path to follow, I decided my best course of action was down. Just keep going down. Stopping briefly to drink some water, I said a silent thank you to Jack for packing the bottle. I only took a few small sips, not knowing how long I’d need to make it last.

The silence was deafening. It felt like I was staring at a perfectly still lake in the middle of a storm. Completely unnatural, and yet…it was happening.

“Hello?” I tried yelling out. My voice cracked with nerves, but I still managed to make it loud enough that something should have moved.

Instead, the sound just died.

“Anyone?” I screamed. Again, nothing made a sound. It was like the forest was stealing my voice along with all the rest of the sound. How could this be happening?

Mist covered the whole forest, obscuring the moonlight, and making it impossible to see more than a few feet in front of me. Jack, planning ahead again, had also packed a flashlight. Did he know I’d get lost? With a flicker, the light came on, cutting through the mist like a warm knife through butter.

But it only brought more dread. In front of me was a pair of deep red eyes.

I froze in place, and my stomach dropped like I was on a roller coaster. As quickly as the eyes were there, they were gone. Was my mind playing tricks on me? The air became cold again, and the hair stood up on the back of my neck.

The eyes were gone, but I could still feel them watching.

I turned and ran as fast as I could. I didn’t hear anything, but whatever was out there was following, no matter where I ran. My heavy, labored breaths told me I needed to slow down. I tried to believe that the chilled air and the eyes and the silence weren’t real. That didn’t help me feel like I could slow down though.

When I finally stopped and looked around to see if I recognized anything, I found myself in a clearing near what looked to be an abandoned campsite. When did I end up here? I wondered. I didn’t remember leaving the woods.

It looked exactly like where we were camping, but things were off. There were four logs for people to sit on, but they weren’t arranged in the nice circle we had put them in. The place where a fire once stood was replaced by a flat blackened patch of earth that had been stamped out long ago. Empty soda cans were strewn about, and the trail leading to the creek nearby was now overgrown with weeds.

“Mackenzie?” A soft, deep, voice behind me said. Turning to see who was there, I couldn’t find anyone.

“Don’t sit down Mackenzie.” The voice came again, this time from all around. In front of me, a young man who looked like he was just a few years older than Jack appeared. Brown hair and a bag that looked exactly like mine. Rainbow pin and everything. His sunken eyes stared at me with an expression filled with sorrow.

“What?” was all I could get out.

“The forest knows you’re here, Mackenzie. You’re not safe. You have to keep moving. If you stop, the forest will catch you and never let go,” the young man urged. He reminded me of Jack, I thought, even though there was no way he could be. Still, something inside me was nagging that he could be Jack.

I headed towards the edge of the clearing, pausing only to take one last look at the old campsite. No one was there anymore. Did I imagine that man? Following his advice, I started off again, back into the woods.

Moving like my life depended on it, I tried to be careful about things like tree roots or rocks that would cause me to trip. But, the mist kept me from seeing the small cliff. Without enough time to stop, I fell and landed with a loud thud and the sound of a crack coming from my arm.

I tried to scream, but the sound disappeared as I lay on the ground, my breath freezing in front of my face.

“Keep moving, Mackenzie, or the forest will find you and keep you. Forever.”

Before I could process the words, the red eyes appeared in front of me.

I was trapped. A cliff behind me, the eyes in front.

I had nowhere to go. Without any options, I stood, pain screaming in my arm. Feeling the pounding of my heart, I took a quick deep breath, gathered my courage, and charged. If the forest wanted me, it’d have to take me fighting. Screaming, I ran straight for them.
“Mackenzie!”

Breaking through the tangle of branches where the eyes were, I stopped running to get my bearings. No eyes in front of me or behind.

Instead, I was in a large clearing, complete with the same four logs, a campfire, and Jack holding a Dr Pepper. Holding my arm in pain, I ran towards Jack. I had found my way back. Somehow.

Last week I posted my completely unedited rough draft of my story from the writing prompt. There was a lot I wanted to work on, a lot I needed to learn about my characters, and a lot I needed to expand on. And I was already “over budget” on my word count by 38 words. So this week has been really challenging, but rather than go over everything at the start, I want to jump right into the story and then talk afterwards!

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It’s Watching

“You need to get off Twitter, see reality for a change.”

My brother Jack’s words echoed through my head as I watched the sun set slowly behind the mountains in the distance. I was trying to get back to camp, but got turned around somehow. I’m not even sure why I left camp, I hated the outdoors. Phone’s weren’t allowed on this trip either, or I’d have been back already. The sun finally fell below the ridge, leaving me alone on an empty ridge with no sign of a camp fire in the valley below. I was officially lost.

My anxiety rose as it set in that I would be spending the night outside. Alone. Shivers ran down my arms as a cold chill set in the air, and the forest got quiet. Without Jack, my brother, to guide me back, I felt helpless.

With one last glance at the forest below, I turned, and started walking. Without a plan, I wandered aimlessly, following branches that looked interesting enough, hoping that they could lead me back to camp. I stopped to briefly to catch my breath and drink some water.

My brother had left a water bottle in my backpack[ I think this is going to be Jack’s backpack. I’m pretty sure he’s the guiding force to help her out of the forest, and he knew she would get trapped tonight. Or….his future self did. But for now, I’m leaving it this way and we can fix that in the 3rd pass of edits.], and I was grateful for his foresight. I sipped the water gingerly, not knowing how long I’d need to make it last. Only then did I realize how quiet the forest was. There were no animals rustling, or crickets chirping. No leaves blowing in the wind. It was silent.

“Hello?” I yelled out into the vast quietness. Nothing called back, or moved from its spot. “Anyone?” I screamed. Again, nothing made a sound. It was like my voice wasn’t traveling anywhere. Like I was as silent as the forest around me.

The moon provided a small amount of light, but the canopy of trees blocked most of it. Jack planning ahead again, had also packed me a flashlight. Did he know I’d get lost? Did he even know I’d wander off? I didn’t remember wandering off. With a flicker, the light came on, and shot through the forest, illuminating a single pair of eyes in front of me.

I learned in school about the fight or flight reaction, but I did neither, freezing in place as I felt my stomach drop like I was on a roller coaster. As quickly as the eyes were there, they were gone. Was my mind playing tricks on me? The chill in the air grew worse, and I could still feel the eyes watching me.

A sense of dread overcame me, so I turned and ran as fast as I could. I didn’t hear anything, but I could still feel whatever was out there, watching me, no matter how fast or far I ran. After a few minutes, I had to stop and catch my breath. Gym was never my best class. Focusing on my breathing, I tried to believe that the chilled air, and the eyes, and the silence weren’t real.

I looked up to see where I was, and found myself in the middle of a clearing, with no trees for at least a hundred yards in any direction. Scanning the area with my light, I saw what looked like an abandoned campsite.

“This looks like where we camped…” I said to myself. Four logs, a long since burnt pile of ashes, and empty cans of soda. “Dr. Pepper, just like Jack likes,” I thought to myself as I inspected the area.

“Mackenzie?” A soft voice behind me said.

I spun around to see who was there, but no was was. I had to be losing my mind. Not only was there no one there, but even if there were, they wouldn’t know my name.

“Don’t sit down Mackenzie.” The voice came from behind me again. I spun again and saw a young man who looked like he was just a few years older than Jack. Brown hair and a bag that looked exactly like mine. Rainbow pin and everything. He looked at me, with an expression filled with sorrow.

“What?” was all I could get out.

“The forest knows you’re here, Mackenzie. You’re not safe. You have to keep moving. If you stop, the forest will catch you, and never let go,” the young man said with a sense of urgency he didn’t have before. I grabbed my bag and headed towards to woods again. At the edge of the clearing I took one last look at the campsite. I didn’t see anyone there anymore. Did I imagine him? I didn’t know why, but I felt an urge to follow his advice.

I started into the forest, moving like my life depended on it. I was running so fast I didn’t see the small cliff, and fell. I landed with a loud thud on the ground, and the crack of my arm.

“Ahhh!” I screamed out, but the sound disappeared. I felt the chill of the night creep upon me, sending the hair on my arms into the air.

“Keep moving Mackenzie, or the forest will find you, and keep you. Forever.”

Before I could process the words, eyes appeared in front of me. I was trapped. A cliff behind me, the eyes in front. I had nowhere to go. Without any options, I stood up, pain screaming in my arm. I paused briefly to gather my courage, and charged at the eyes. They were big, and yellow, and I knew for certain that I was done for. But I charged anyways. If the forest wanted me, it’d have to take me fighting. The eyes were mere feet away now. I screamed as I ran straight for them.

“Mackenzie!”

Breaking through the tangle of branches where the eyes were, I stopped running to get my bearings. No eyes in front of me, or behind. Instead, I was in a large clearing, complete with 4 logs, a camp fire, and Jack holding a Dr. Pepper. I had found my way back. Somehow.

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There’s at least 4 different colors (ignoring the rough draft black letters) in my self edited draft, as shown above. I made A LOT of changes. I think they all help the piece get at what my goals were for this week.

• Learn how Mackenzie gets stuck in the woods
• Learn who the man who helps her out is
• Better show when the forest is closing in
• Fix my grammar and typos

I think there’s enough hints dropped that the man who helps Mackenzie out is her brother. I don’t really think it matters how he knew she was trapped, or the mechanics of how he was helping him. It’s like Inception, where these people can go into dreams. All that’s really important is that he is able to, not the how. I also love that he feels some guilt or sorrow that she’s gone. I’m sure any brother would grieve the loss of his little sister, but Jack seems to feel some guilt for her being gone, and I think that allows for the leap to “Jack helped her out of the forest”.

I also think I did a lot better job of showing when the forest is closing in. The deafness, the cold, the eyes showing up. All of that indicates that whatever force “the forest” is, is closing in on her. I also think that clearly defining those attributes a few times helps give it some added tension and stress when they start happening each time, especially as Mackenzie starts to learn what they mean.

As for how Mackenzie ends up in the forest…I’m not sure it’s actually relevant anymore. I think the better question to answer is “Does Mackenzie know she is already trapped in the forest?” I tried showing this with her lapses in memory, the appearance of her brother who is older than she remembers him, the abandoned camp. All these things that indicate Mackenzie isn’t actually experiencing things correctly, and that she is already trapped in the forest. I think this adds a bit of mystery and dread to the story. The idea that she’s already trapped and doesn’t even know it terrifies me, because how are you supposed to get out of a situation you don’t know you’re in?

Ultimately, with the help of Jack, she’s able to face her fears and break out of the forest’s grip, which creates this really great ending to the story. It creates an actual growth arc for Mackenzie, and I love the message of facing your fears head on.

Next week is Critique Partner week, which I am SO excited for. I know that bringing in 2 new voices to the story, new eyes on it, will show where things are over told, or missing. I cant wait to see what my CPs have in store for this piece to make it even better!